Disappointment

I decided that when I started writing this blog, that I'd have to be honest with everything I wrote...no matter what...

I'm seriously thinking about re-starting to steroids even though I know the relaxation and de-stressing controls are easing my UC.

But with so much coming up and the thoughts of having to do a 30 hr flight back to Oz in Feb, I can't risk still having this damn flare-up.

I'm sorry to be so gross here, but I'm sure you have all had a little look down the loo to see what came out, but I know my colon is still seriously inflamed and from what I can tell, when there is a semi normal bowel movement, well, the poo is only about 1/2 the circumference it should be!

Now this flare-up has been going since last June and although I've come along way since the end of August, I seriously think it's time to knock this on the head with a bit of help from the steroids.

I'm slightly pissed off with myself for even considering this, but I need to get myself into remission now. I go back to see the French doc on 17th Nov and that is when I make my decision. But basically, if I'm still passing blood on that date, then it's time to accept that steroids are needed. To be honest the doc has been pushing me to go back on them since the start of Sept, but I've been saying no. Funny that, since I was the one begging him, with no success, back in July and he kept saying no. France doesn't believe in handing out steroids straight away..they like to try enemas....and they aren't cheap!..plus for me they really don't work...but I played along as he had me over a barrel.

I also have other reason to go back on those things....
1 - I'm going on my first trip to Paris at the start of Dec and the last thing I want to be doing is toilet hunting. I want to have fun and remember it for all the right reason! Plus I want the kids and my husband to have fun. We're doing Disneyland Paris also....and I really don't want to spoil there memory of that

2- Christmas is coming and it's the kids first cold Christmas and New Year. Again, it's memory based and I don't want UC spoiling it for them and me.

3 - I really can't be arsed with with anymore!

So, that why I'm thinking about. I'm also slightly worried about the current state of my insides as with over 5 months of a flare-up, those little ulcers must have caused some damage inside by now!

And yep, that's some negative thinking going on there..and a nice little looping pattern has formed....but I've set the D-Day date or in my case to S-Day date (S= Steroid) and we'll see what happens....

I'm still trying all my other stuff though and I'm not giving up there...but I think I need a helping hand now.

To change..or not to change...that is the question

My Dad has just arrived from the UK for a visit and one of the things he brought me was a mag. Here's something I found in the good health section regarding stress. So although it says you can't change your fate, you can change the way you handle it.

1. What are 3 positive things about this problem?
2. What's not yet the way you want it
3. What are you willing to do to get the results you want?
4. What re you willing to stop doing to get the result you want?
5. How can you motivate yourself and even take pleasure in doing what needs to be done to get the result you want?
6. What's something you can do today to get things moving in the right direction?

So I started things about my UC and could only come up with #1 - kind of positive thing and that was that it keeps my weight down. #2 - bugger..loads of things. So onto #3 and #4 - I'd do what ever it takes. #5 - I'll have to wait and see what I have to do first. #6 - think about what I'm stuffing in my mouth..bugger there goes the sweet stuff and beer...but to be honest I'd already decided no beer, wine or bubbles anyway for a few months.

Oh, and my books arrived today..so I'll start reading tonight..although I still have to finish the 3rd book of the Twilight series...who will Bella choose (as if I didn't know!!)..but don't tell me anyway :D