Last night I was delivered a reality check of what I was like to live with last year and let me tell you that it's not very nice having to listen to all your faults being laid out like that.
After I was finally diagnosed with UC and started in the steroids I thought my life was going to just return to normal....how wrong was I. At first the steroids put me on this kind of high and I had heaps of energy, but as the dosage was reduced, so was my mood and energy.
Looking back now, I realise that I basically just decided to cut myself off from everyone and anyone. All I could basically do was get the kids to school, go to work, get back home and have as little contact with people as possible during the day. This is seriously not me and for anyone that knows me, well, they thought I was just being a total bitch.
How do you explain to people you have no energy to even talk to them. Yes they knew I had an illness, but really..unless you have this yourself you have no idea what this feels like, especially when your energy is depleted. So I withdrew from society from about 4 weeks into the steriods for about 6 weeks all up. The funny thing was that it was a major storm in our area that pulled me out of this black hole. Yep, now bear me with as this is weird, but the charge and severity of the storm seemed to re-energise me overnight and I was back again and out of my rut. I always try to help people, which is why before the storm people thought I was being a right bitch and ignoring them, but really I was just trying to protect myself.
One lady in particular did approach me about how I was acting at the time of my withdrawal and at the time I was so mad at her, but later and I go back and explain how I was feeling and how I needed to protect myself until I felt better. I don't know if she really understood what I was saying, but we're still very good friends. I do always want to help, but sometimes it's better to protect ourselves first.
Anyway, when my husband brought all that old stuff up last night I realised how far I'd come. He's reading Guy's book and has noticed several traits that I have or had that are mentioned in the book. In a way it's helping him see why I am the way I am...and hopefully not a bitch all the time :D ... I do love my family and it would break my heart to intentionally hurt them. The one thing my husband has mentioned plenty of times before is that my family's moods all rotate around mine..if I'm happy...the family is happy. I better try and keep it that way.
So next time you think someone is ignoring you...cut them a little slack...they may just need to withdraw for a while for a little intermission...once sorted then normal programming can resume.
Mirror image! I did the same thing. I don't go anywhere, or do much w/anyone. People do think it's probably because i'm just a bitch. It takes SO much energy to go out, and then have to justify why you are the way that you are, and they may not even understand. That I don't even try anymore. Why subject myself to that. It just makes me feel worse about myself. So I stay home in my bubble, and mind my own business. My mom says that when she gets a phone call from me, it must be bad. I just don't want to bother anyone. That is why I love these blogs! We understand each other and what we are going through.
ReplyDeleteSo don't feel bad about any of it. Before I had this disease I would have completely written someone off for being grumpy. Now I step back, and think what could be wrong w/them? I wonder if they just need some help. My husband is amazingly supportive. Right now he is waving my eye drops at me saying it's time!!! haha
I think that is one of the blessings of having this illness... It helps you understand that people are more than what the eye can see. We have our UC, other people have their demons too. I have started to realize that people are just doing the best they can, just like I am. Time to cut everyone some slack. (Sweet of your husband to be reading Guy's book!)
ReplyDeleteThanks for this. We all get bitchy from time to time, but dealing with any sort of illness (particularly one like UC) can certainly stretch anyone's limits.
ReplyDeleteAny specific suggestions (what to say, what to do, when to give up) on the best way to support a friend/partner going through a flare-up?
Basically just forgive them when they are in a mood or just need to be alone...we really don't mean to be bitches...well if I'm honest sometimes I do mean what I say when I'm feeling mean..but mainly we're tired and frustrated with the flipping disease! We didn't ask for it and we can't get rid of it. We're all just battling through with this life and sometimes feel a bit sorry for ourselves..the 'why me' question. But then again...it really could be worse and that's what usually bring us back to our senses.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who was really good...she just seemed to turn up or call me right when I needed a pick me up. It was like she just knew I needed her help. Most times she just listened to me.