Relief - nothing there

I was supposed to have my colonoscopy on 26th July, but decided to bring it forward by 2 weeks as I just needed to get it over and done with.  Yep, you read me right...I brought it forward.  I just couldn't bear to have to sit and think and worry about it any longer, so I made the call about 4 weeks ago to bring the date forward to 12th July.  Yep, that was a few weeks ago now, so I'm done with it!

I do have to say though, the day before the procedure, I was cursing myself for bringing it forward.  Anyone who has done this procedure will know exactly what I mean.  I hate the prep drink.  This time I took the 'fleet' route.  My GI doesn't recommend it, but I'm quite stubborn now about what I will and won't do, so I got my own way and didn't have to drink 3 litres of that other crappy stuff.

Anyway, long story short, I had a little incident with blood pressure...I told them not to let me get cold...blood pressure drop, heart starting racing...they got a little worried..I came to and wondered what all the fuss was about.

Done and dusted now, no more colonoscopies for another 2 years.

Results showed nothing major....just the scaring which needs to be watched.

So I've now been in remission for 6 months.....

I'm happy with that.  It was a long time coming....

Colonoscopy time again - eeekkkk!

I hate the thought of having to have a colonoscopy and that time has just come around again!  July 26th to be precise.

The thought of the prep fills me with trepidation.  How long will it take to work? Then the constant back and forth to the bathroom!

I'm scared up to the point when they are just about to put you to sleep and then the fear of the results when you wake up.

Last came I came around, I saw my GI immediately and shouted across the room at her.."Do I have cancer?"...I couldn't help myself and up until that very point in time, I hadn't realised how scared I was.

This time around I feel even more scared about the results.  I fear the worst as thing have been 'normal' lately.  Good things always come to an end. 

Yes, sorry, I'm pretty negative about my future at the moment and I have no reason to be.

The power of positive thinking goes out the window in the lead up to the hospital visit.  

Any ideas on how to lift this dark cloud?

Dentist V Colonoscopy

I'm afraid of the dentist...I was born unluckily with crappy British teeth, possibly due to the lack of fluoride in our water in NI. Though saying that, I could be dealing with other issues today if there had been fluoride in our water..who knows...

So, I'm off to the dentist on Thursday to have a filling changed as I broke the top of it off just before Christmas and have had a temp filling in place since then. The way I see it, I have 2 choices....go the the dentist twice (this week and next) for 45mins each and get it fixed properly now or chicken out and wait until the temporary one falls out and then go back. I'd love to choose my 2nd option, but how stupid would I be!! Then I started think, what would I rather do...go to the dentist or have a colonoscopy....surprisingly and weirdly enough ...I'd rather have a colonoscopy...see I told hate going to the dentist, but I'm going to go and do what I have to do (one this occasion anyway :D)

The steroids are still doing their job on the 5 month UC flare-up front and surprisingly I'm quite happy these days...stressed with French life and their bureaucracy, but otherwise happy. I'm down to 30mgs now and have I reckon about 6 weeks left on the preds before I'm back only on an maintenance drug.

We're off home to Australia in a few weeks and so far the stress of flying has not built up. I've been crap with flying ever since I had kids...no idea why..it's totally irrational, especially since I used to love flying.

Lets see how I'm doing when I get back :D ... I'm hoping to be down to 10mgs and on the steroid free home straight again :D

My UC Symptons

So I've been thinking that I'm going to try and document my UC symptoms and any other illness or stressful times that I've had going back over day the last 10 years...I'm going to work in reverse and see what I can actually remember and add to it .

2009

• 13th Sept - still a bit of bleeding no real pain, just the odd cramp in both my left and right sides that will go away if I lie down for a while. They seem to come and go. Started thinking about why this is happening and why the meds aren't working. Conclusion is that I have caused this myself by my mind and my negative thoughts. Going to try new things and see what happens next. Had a little win with the doctors and I'm going to try a foam for 2 weeks. After that I'm asking for steroids (via babel fish)
• Aug - Still on the enema. It takes forever to even make a difference and 4 weeks into it there is still blood. I'm frustrated with the doctor and my husband suggests that I should lie about the pain just to get the steroids. I don't like the idea of doing that so decide against. I'm not big into lying, honesty is the best policy. Take a trip to Spain, it's an 11 hr drive. No accidents on the way. Resort was pretty crap as it was a lot dirtier than I thought it would be and the accom was also a shocker. We did meet a great family though and the kids had fun. I didn't feel stressed but I was pissed off about the resort and accom.
• July - Holy crap, lots of blood. I'm totally stressed out with France and having no doctors that I can turn to for help. My husband gets me sorted with a specialist but he speaks little to no English so I have an immediate problem. He won't give me steroids as they are a last resort here in France, so I'm on a flipping enema. Have a major accident while I'm out. After getting over my total shame and embarrassment and explaining what has just happened, one of my husband colleagues that we're friendly with, takes me to her house and I phone him to go get my change of clothes from the car. Mortified doesn't sum it up, but I don't ruin the kids night out and instead once changed I head back to where we are supposed to be. (N.B. There isn't a lot of public toilets in France when you’re on a walk about in the town and given that I only got 30 secs notice I was buggered anyway)
• Jun - Tapering down on the steroids and by mid June the start of UC is back. Still stressed and finding life very hard in France. Trip back to NI to see family and friends. Decide not to see my Mother as it would be too negative on me right now and I still don't know how to deal with those issues yet.
• May - Steroids seem to work, no blood, very stressed still as my French is crap and trying to live here is a bit of a nightmare for me. I don't feel safe. My youngest is not happy at school...confidence issues etc so he's stressed and that stresses me. Furniture arrives and we move into house. I don't feel happy and I'm definitely not relaxed. I'm happy to see my furniture though.
• Apr - Left for France. Not excited but very scared. Lots of blood and after 2 weeks with it only getting worse I start using my supply of steroids. They take 3 weeks to work during which I'm totally stressed in France with the accom we're in, trying to buy a car, sort out insurance and get the kids ready to start school. Feel that I'm totally out of my depth here.
• Mar - Final most painful stage at the dentist. End result brilliant...better than I could ever have hoped for. Handed in my notice and finished up work. Very sad to leave work and cried all the way home. Very very sad to pack up my house and finish off school. I wasn't so much as stressed this month, but I was very very sad about everything was leaving behind. Last week of March and UC starts with a little drop of red blood on the toilet paper.
• Feb - Husband leaves7 weeks before us, so it's just me and the kids. I feel stressed as I'm working, looking after the kids, doing all the house work, going to the dentist and trying to get the house sorted out for moving. Handed in notice to work. Boss sad, but he understands and I'm not leaving to go to a competitor. No UC symptoms.
• Jan - A fairly good month. No UC symptoms. Had fun with the kids over the summer holidays. Started my dentist treatment to fix my teeth which will take approx 6-8 weeks to complete. Had lots of help from friends. This month I feel I'm stressed with going to the dentist and waiting to hear if my husband got the job and what the offer will be. Went back to work with a heavy heart. I do love my work and I get paid really well...more than I worth I sometimes think, but I feel it's getting on top of me.

2008

• Dec - I ask my boss if I can take 5 weeks off work during the kid’s school holiday and he agrees with no problem. I don't think I felt stressful this month, but there is a build up in anticipation of moving to France. Christmas was really good this year which is rare for me as I actually I'm not very good at this time of year (even though I love it) as my Mother left us 2 weeks before Christmas when I was 16. Made a huge decision to go to the Dentist as I hate my teeth and I want them fixed now once and for all. Price is cheaper than I thought, so I happy with that. I'm scared of dentists though so this is a huge step for me.
• Nov - Huge storm rips through our suburb and causes millions of dollars worth of damage. Our house escapes with minimal damage. We are all initially OK, but later on I start to realise how lucky we were and I start to stress myself out again. I have a lot to be grateful for, but for some reason I start to feel out of control again. My husband phones me at work and asks if we want to move back to the Northern Hemisphere for a couple of years as he has just been approached with a job offer. I say Yes, I want out of here.
• Oct - Felt very sad at the end of month and very lonely. Off the steroids and just on Salazopyrin now. Still getting headaches. (N.B. Looking back now I wonder if there is a connection with coming off the steroids. The steroids made me feel very happy until I was taking say 30mg a day)
• Sept - Tapering off the steroids and just on Salazopyrin now. Getting headaches.
• Aug - Steroids being tapered down and start maintenance drug Salazopyrin
• Jul - Diagnosed with UC. Lost 7kgs in 9 days. Did a colonoscopy and started steroids 50mg per day.
• Jun - mmm - this was the start of a very bad time. I had my first coffee in months and that appears to have been the trigger for what happened next. Bad diarrhoea, blood and a feeling of not being very well at all.
• May - Get shingles, but I'm very lucky and got to the doctors with the first 24 hrs and got tablets to counteract the pain. No time of work, but a pain where there was a burning sensation.
• Apr - Again a fairly normal month for me and I got the flu injection this year.
• Mar - Work fine not too stressful. Kids and husband all ok. No medical issues.
• Feb - Bad diarrhoea - Last about a week. It scares me as there is a little bit of blood and we're about to go to Canada for 2 weeks skiing the following week. Go to the doctors and get nothing from him. After seeing a little bit of blood, I decide to use the suppositories again. Take Imodium to save any hassles on the plane. Have a great holiday even with the kids and my husband getting sick. Getting back though I notice a huge loss of weight (4kgs in 2 weeks). This I put down to skiing all day and the initial diarrhoea.
• Jan - Nothing significant that I can remember, but looking forward to holidays. Work projects good and although behind this doesn't worry me as I have containment plans in place.

2007

• Dec - Usually state of mind for Christmas.
• Nov - Blood appears again. I went straight to the doctors and got a supply of suppositories. Take 1 at night for 7 nights. Blood clears up within a week.
• Oct - Nothing of significance I can remember
• Sept - Nothing of significance I can remember
• Aug - Still loads of blood, but no pain. Then the blood just stops the week before I'm due to have the operation. I had went to the doctors and gotten some meds. I assume they helped. I still have a very bad cold and when I go for my colonoscopy they won't put me under as they are worried about my cough. Instead I'm asked if I want to give it a go without going under as I've done all the prep work. Scared silly but agree. I only last for the first 50 cms before I ask her to get the scope out.
• Jul - Celebrate my 40th birthday and go the doctors as I'm scared now and it's not going away. He talks me into colonoscopy. Even more scared.
• Jun - More and more blood appears. Start of diarrhoea. I start to get stress and think I have cancer. Still don't go to the doctors though.
• May - The first glimpses of blood on the toilet roll. I didn't think there was anything to worry about.
  

Significant events prior to May 2007

• 2006 - Changed jobs after working from home for 3 years. Very happy with the money, but sad that I have to return to an office
• 2002 - 2nd child born - back to full-time work after 7 months off
• 2001 - Sold one house and bought a new one...found out I was pregnant again...dead happy
• 2000 - Birth of #1 - scared, tired, but very happy - Asthma goes after birth of first child - back to full-time work after 8 months off
• 1999 - Moved to a new state in Oz
• 1998 - Nothing significant
• 1997 - Immigrated to OZ

Diagnosed with asthma as a kid...mine was termed as "Nervous Asthma" ... asthma used to come on when I was stressed or freaked out...especially when I was stuck up on a stage to do Irish dancing as a kid..and although I loved going to learn on a Saturday morning, I hated the festivals and was crap at dancing :)

I have wondered if the nervous asthma was connected with UC, but they don't seem to be able to find a link...I think it's nerves and stress...but hey, how do I prove that. Anyone got any thoughts on that connection?