Well, well, well a week ago I was in a really bad place mind wise with this bloody Ulcerative Colitis. Then suddenly (and seriously, out of no where) I came across blogs from other people with UC and all the answers are there for me...the non medical ones that is. I'm talking about all the ones with UC that are trying a different type of technique to make themselves better...the positive thinkers.
I was talking to my friend in Oz the previous week over Skye and she knows all about my belief and talents to do with spirits. Anyway, to cut a long story short I told her that I had no signs lately and I was getting really pissed off with my UC as it had totally stuffed up the whole of our first summer in France and seriously I just wanted it gone. I also have started to recognise that the issues with my Mother really do need to get sorted soon. For the past couple of weeks there had been loads of butterflies around me and I asked her what that was a sign of, well turns out butterflies are a symbol of a new life bit something that I also did not know until recently was as the Dalia Lama explains of a butterfly that rather than carefree, it is uncaring: "The butterfly never meets its mother. It must survive independently and remains a stranger to affection. An animal nurtured by mother's milk, however, is dependent on another for its basic survival. A child who grows up in a cold and detached home environment is similar to the butterfly, in that kindness is sparing. Once an adult, it will be very difficult for that person to show compassion."
So I've thought about this and this could be very true of me in that I really did not until say in the last few years have compassion for any of my family members. However I have also had heaps of compassion for my own kids now as this was something I missed out on and made a real effort to show them how much I love and care for them. I did however have guilt issues about leaving them in childcare while I had to work.
I'm also now of the belief that I am the one who is sabotaging myself through my negative thoughts and fears. Why else would I get UC when no-one in my family has ever had it? So last week for what ever reason I found myself goggling "blogs ulcerative colitis" and the first one I saw was Martin's Number Two's who then lead me to Rich of The Mercy Seat then onto A Skinny Girl's Rant and Intestine Goddess...excellent blogs all about people in the same circumstances as me.
It's been life changing to say the least. We left Australia for a 2 year life in France 6 months ago and I have been in a really negative place since then. My UC flared up 2 days before we got on the plane and I couldn't get an appointment with my doctor at home before we had to fly. She had however given me a supply of steroids and after 2 weeks here I started them. They worked initially but once the course was tapered down and finished then the blood came back and hence my crappy summer stuck at home for most of the time. My French is crap still and although I eventually got to a doctor, he didn't understand what I wanted, which of course stressed me out more and more, but finally a break though last week and I get a foam based medicine which is what I think I need and hey presto, before you know it life is looking out and me and my toilet are no longer joined at the bottom!
Today I have little blood, I haven't had to do that mad dash to the toilets for a few days now and I'm feeling a lot more happier. Life is definitely on the up :D
Skinny Girl posted a comment today which made me think about my situation - "It is my personal belief that the reason I have UC (and others don't) is because it was something I could handle--something I am strong enough to deal with when others may not have been able to." I'd never thought of it that way before..but how right she is. I hope to be able to help people through this crappy disease but I do intend to get rid of it and not just keep it at bay.
I'll keep you posted on my own progress...I'm still looking for someone who is a Reiki Master or practises hypnotism near Aix-en-Pce, France. If anyone know someone, please let me know.